Interesting how a year, everything can change…
It’s interesting to read my posts a year ago and how much a lot has changed in my life. I never expected for things to pan out the way that they did, but God knows all. I’ve been blessed by God in so many ways and thank God for all that He has done in my life. You never know how truly lost you are until God intercepts your life and changes it forever.
If there’s one thing that anyone close to me knows about me, was to be in a loving relationship that will someday turn into a marriage then eventually into a family. I prayed everyday for a Godly man who would lead me, love me and grow in our relationship together and with God. It wasn’t until a year after of accepting Christ in my life that I was ready to put myself out there and search for that Godly man. I knew in my heart that it wouldn’t be easy, but I began my journey to do so in July 2013 on Match. Then a couple of months later, I was quite fed up with the lack of Godly men out there so I decided to give it a break in September. It was during that time that I was talking to Luke that I really didn’t think anything of it. At first, I took his initial email as nothing too serious, it wasn’t until we met in person, which changed how I felt about him. The thing is, you have this thought in your head of what you want in someone, but only God knows what is best for you and with Luke, God couldn’t have delivered a better man for me. I am excited for what is to come.
Thank you, God, for everything that you’ve done in my life, where you’ve brought me and how you never gave up on me, even at moments where I fail you everyday.
It definitely has been a journey in my 20s to get to this point in my life. I’ve had a lot of joy, sadness, happiness, love, heart aches/breaks, tears, laughter, accomplishments, etc. It’s amazing what a decade can really teach you. I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes in life, in love, in friendships, in relationships and in work, yet the most important lesson I’ve learned thus by far, is that you should never settle for anything less than you deserve.
As sad as I’ve been about turning 30, a few people have told me that your life begins at 30, and at first, I didn’t believe it, but now I’m beginning to. I guess, I just thought life would have panned out a lot differently than how it is now. I thought I’d be married, enjoying married life and then planning the next stage; having children. I know we all have this “vision” of what our future is supposed to be, but nothing is ever promised to us, the only promise we have is the present moment.
6 more days and I’m going to be 30, yup, the BIG 3-0.
This year has been tough; dealing with inner struggles, struggles in my personal life, struggles in general, but through it all, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned that you should always put yourself first and the things that you need in life, should never take a backseat.
I guess the hardest part in all of this, is that, when I really want something, I always go after it, and achieve it, but this time I can’t. This time it’s different, I’m different. I need to take this time for myself and as hard as it is, I know that I need to do this, not for anyone else, but for myself.
Relationships nowadays are a lot harder than they used to be; fights are more frequent because conversations are now through text messages, instant messaging and/or emails. It just makes me think, maybe, just maybe, relationships happen, but are not meant to last.
Maybe, I’m just “jaded”, since I’ve been through my fair share of broken relationships in my life, but with each relationship, I can definitely say I’ve learned something in each and every one of them…don’t settle. Simple as that. Know you’re worth and move on if it doesn’t add value to your life. Yet, as simple as that may seem, it’s not always that easy. Case in point: me. I’m about to approach the age of 30; settled in my life, great career, I own a house, I help take care of mom and grandma, I’m financially stable, family-oriented…yet the one thing that I want most in my life is to have a family of my own.
Possibly, the real problem with me, is that, I fall in love with the idea of being in love, so technically I’m bound to have my heart broken. In my experience with relationships, I’ve yet to meet a “man”. It just seems in general, men take FOREVER to mature; finding the right man, has been quite difficult so as of right now, I’ve tabled that item and I’m just refocusing back on myself. Here’s to starting a new chapter in my life, in my 30s! If it’s meant to happen, it will happen. Here’s to me being positive! :)
Happy Birthday to me! Here’s to turning 30!
"…because even though you might not know where you’re going, you do know who is leading you. And you know that He has never failed yet."